The reality is that life is filled with things we’d rather not deal with—uncertainty, letdowns, or roadblocks. You name it. What we all share is that unexpected things happen to all of us. But, we have tremendous capacity to shape our response in the midst of things we didn’t plan for. Let’s do this together.

You might be feeling like your situation is hard, even impossible to accept. It might even be unjust. But, acceptance is the first step to be able to see beyond the most challenging of times and find hope for the future. When you embrace the reality of your situation, it becomes easier to manage, and you can start to uncover ways to move towards more control.

We’ll use the Serenity Prayer as our guide. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to:

Accept the things I cannot change…

The Courage to change the things I can…

And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Notice that the first step is accepting the things you can’t change. Only then can you move with courage to change the things that are within your power. The prayer ends with the importance of knowing the difference. Now, let’s apply it.

Here’s one example. Most of us at one time or another have faced feelings of loneliness. You might be feeling isolated or sad because you shared what’s going on with someone in your close circle, and they haven’t been supportive. We’ve all been there. Maybe they even said or did something really hurtful.

What can you accept here? First, you can remind yourself that even when the worst-case scenario plays out, and someone you care about isn’t showing support, that has nothing to do with your value. You cannot control that person’s actions or make them be supportive. Acceptance means you let go.

You should try to communicate as best you can with that person, but since their reaction is out of your control, you may need to draw some boundaries with how much you share with them. Mourn the loss of the relationship, but don’t let it consume your thoughts. Each time you worry or think about them, remind yourself to let go. By letting go, you can refocus your energy in strengthening other relationships or building new ones.

Here’s another example. Many of us have felt stuck, especially when it comes to our job or future plans. Sometimes we worry about the future and think, “What if I can’t achieve this goal I’ve been working towards?” Maybe there’s also ongoing frustration that we didn’t get the pay raise or promotion we’ve worked hard to reach.

What can you accept here? Many times the things you worry about are out of your control and in the hands of someone else. Rather than spending your time worrying about the outcome, it’s best to accept that you’ve done all you can and look for change outside of the situation.

Acceptance of your current job situation and letting go may seem like a dead end. But the truth is, by accepting the result, you can start to look in new directions for forward movement.

In this example, there are still many things within your control. You can continue to be a good employee but spend your free time pursuing a new direction. You could update your resume, fill out new job applications, develop new skills, or even start a night job that could work into something more full-time. There may also be financial resources available to you if you’re a new parent or are going back to school. Rather than allow yourself to be stuck, take tiny steps to research new options, and you’ll gain more control over this part of your life.

Accepting the reality of your situation allows you to say, “Now that I’ve acknowledged and accepted where I do not have control… what now? What will help, motivate or empower me to get where I want to be? What can I change?”

You may have been dealt a bad hand, but that is not where your journey has to end. There’s so many examples of those who beat the odds and overcame their situation. That’s why movies about underdogs reaching their goals are so popular. So many of us can relate! Take inspiration from stories like that. Acceptance is your first tiny step in being able to shape your forward direction.