Maybe something immediately comes to mind as an area where you feel stuck emotionally or otherwise. If nothing particular comes to mind right now, that’s okay too. It can be hard to identify the root of shame sometimes because we’ve held or buried it deeply inside us. Oftentimes the shame can feel generalized too, over our whole identity. Let’s dig in together to see if we can identify specific lies you may be hearing from the voice of shame.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, I AM…

• A terrible person because of X
  Unlovable and will never experience love or connection
  Unworthy of the things I want in life (family, career, relationships, etc.)
  Going to feel stuck and hopeless forever

If you’ve had one of these thoughts, or maybe something similar that touches on your worth as a person, you may be dealing with the voice of shame. Shame says you are defined by this negative thought about your identity. It makes you feel like you are stuck, and this is how it’ll always be. It lies to you about who you are and tells you there is no way out. But the voice of shame is a liar and accuser. It’s not the truth about who you are or who you can become.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Sure, things can change… but I actually have a reason behind my feeling, something I did doesn’t sit right with me anymore.” If that’s you, and your negative feelings are specifically around a key event or moment, there’s a chance you may be feeling guilt.

Guilt is different from shame because it’s attached to an action, not your identity. At times, guilt can even provide you with greater insight about what you want in the future. Feeling guilt doesn’t have to be negative. Feelings of guilt may indicate that you made a decision that didn’t align with your internal sense of what is good and right. It tells you that in the future, you may want to make new or different decisions.

When you feel guilt it’s an opportunity to step back and ask yourself, “What did I do that is creating in me this sense that I have gone against my values? What can I do differently in the future?” You can then start to find resolution with yourself and others. If you’re a person of faith, you may find resolution in praying to God. It can be as simple as, “God, I’m sorry for (the thing you’re sorry for). I made a mistake. Forgive me and help me to live out my values moving forward. Amen.” Resolution can also come through journaling and self-forgiveness.

Guilt gives you space to say, “Something I did was bad.” And once you acknowledge the guilt you feel for that specific action, you can release it, and take steps to not repeat it in the future. You have the chance to move forward freely, knowing that action doesn’t define who you are. On the other hand, shame will make you think, “I am bad, and there’s no way to move forward.” Do you sense the difference there?

The negative feelings of guilt and shame may feel similar in the moment, but they’re really different in shaping how we see ourselves and our future. Shame is hopeless; if you are bad and there’s no forgiveness and chance to move forward, that’s the end of it. It attacks who you are and can prevent you from embracing steps toward positive change in your life.

Okay. Now that we’ve laid it all out, let’s take a moment to pause together and ask ourselves, what is the one lie from the voice of shame that I’ve internalized about myself? Take the time to reflect here for a few seconds.

Now, consider writing that one lie down or even saying it out loud.

Now that you’ve identified the shaming thought, think about what’s true about you—the good and beautiful things. Maybe there’s a quality about yourself or a character trait you love. Now, reframe your negative thought with the positive statement below, filling in the blanks for yourself:

“Even though I feel shame over , I know that I am not defined by it. I am and worthy of love.”

Say this statement out loud, if you’re comfortable. Let’s repeat it again.

“Even though I feel shame over , I know that I am not defined by it. I am and worthy of love.”

Now, repeat it to yourself a few times, and write it out somewhere you will see it again—maybe a journal, post-it, or note on your phone as a reminder to yourself.

Here’s the last thing we’ll leave you with—embrace this new affirmation of who you are and the bright future that is ahead of you. Read this statement aloud to declare over yourself, to recite it as a prayer, as something to marinate on, and consider saving it somewhere for later:

“I am capable of taking steps today to grow in the ways I’d like to. I am courageous and can admit to myself and others the things I have done that I am not proud of. And I also know that none of these things define my worth. My actions and choices are a part of my story, but they are not who I am at my core. I am an imperfect person, just like everyone else, and I am in the process of growing, learning, loving the best I can, and ultimately, becoming who I want to be. I am not defined by what I’ve done in the past, and I have hope for the future. I believe in positive change, and starting today, I will lean into that to benefit myself and those around me.”

Now that you have this truth to think on, consider sharing this with someone you trust. Share authentically with another person about the things you feel guilty about and want to change moving forward. Sharing is a great way to break the power of these negative thoughts, remind you of your value, and to gain encouragement as you move forward.